My Article!!

Hey all I am sorry it has been a while since I last blogged and you have been so patient to wait for my article!! Thank you. As a note to those reading it you should know that I have made one or two small changes in reguards to the content. The biggest one is the spelling of Caleb's name which was mispelled in the article. The other is when the time of Holy Peace occured. Which was days after Caleb died not 6 weeks. Thank you for your continued love and support. GOD BLESS AND ENJOY!!


                                                                          Finding "Holy Peace"
                                                        After Loss of child, family presses on with life
                                                                          By Jason Nordmark of the Star

   When Caleb Yoder stopped moving his mother Elizabeth knew something was wrong.
   He was usually active but on this day, so Elizabeth called the clinic right away. When they got there the doctors could not find a heartbeat. Caleb had died before he had a chance to be born.
   Immediately Elizabeth was faced with delivering Caleb, but she was still numb from the news of his death. "My body went into shock. My temperature fell and then rose." Elizabeth Said. "I was fortunate that the first nurse I met on the L and D floor had experienced the same thing many years before. She helped me start to come to terms with it. She told me my baby was gone and that I would still be delivering him. She told me he would not cry and he would not wake up."
   LIFE LOST
   As harsh as Elizabeth's news was that spring morning more then 2 years ago her situation is not all that uncommon to the local area. Rolette County's Infant Mortality Rate which is the number of deaths in infants under 1 year per 1000 live births is twice the national average.
   More then 26,000 babies are stillborn in the United States each year. That translates to about 71 per day. Closer to home for every 1000 live births 7-14 die.
   One in 200 American Pregnancies end in Stillbirth and almost 50% of these deaths occur at or near term and often seem to be healthy babies otherwise.
   That was case with Elizabeth. She said "everything was perfect until that day". She already had two healthy children and was following a regimen that eliminated risk factors.
   "I took very, very good care of myself," Elizabeth Said.
   Soon after teh stillbirth of Caleb, however Elizabeth and her husband Nathan were faced with the mental anguish that comes with losing a child. One of the symptoms was common among mothers who have gone through this experience.
   "It's called empty Arms Syndrome," Elizabeth explained, "My arms physically ached to hold my baby, but there was nothing to hold."
   The Yoders were living in Wisconsin at the time of Caleb's Stillbirth. They have since returned to the area settling in the country northwest of Belcourt. Nathan works in Dunseith and Elizabeth is a stay home mom.
   Elizabeth said both her family and Nathan's family traveled great distances on the day of Calebs birth to help support the couple. In addition the husband and wife drew from their religious faith to help them get through the ordeal of losing a child.
   "It was because of this that we were able to get through," Elizabeth said, "Neither of us fell apart. We couldn't. It hurt and it still does but we had two little boys at home that needed us."
   The couple leaned on each other and Elizabeth credits her husband for providing the emotional support she needed.
   "I know that couples who go through this struggle. They play the blame game," Elizabeth Said. "We didn't do that to eachother. Nathan never made me feel like I did anything wrong."
   The importance of that is reflected in national statistics related to married couples and stillborn babies. Around 80% of married couples who have to endure the death of a child get divorced.
   The Yoders continued to maintain that strong faith even as they faced going home without their baby.
  "The first few days were really hard," Elizabeth Said "We had to take down the crib and put away the baby clothes. I know some people keep it up so that they have a place to go and be with the memory of thier baby."
   After a few days Elizabeth said she experienced a kind of "Holy Peace" which lasted about 6 weeks. Prior to that she sat down many times and cried in search of a reason.
   Then, we just knew that God had his hand on it," Elizabeth said "My husband was given a bible verse(Isaiah 51:6) and felt that God was telling that he was in control even if it hurt and that we would see Caleb again someday. And we truly believe that."
   The Yoders also had the added pain of explaining the situation to thier children. Jonathan who was 6 was anxiously awating another little brother. Elizabeth remembers the moment precisely.
   "He looked up at me with his big brown eyes and asked, 'is the baby dead?' When I said 'yes' he cried." Elizabeth said, "Children understand, and parents need to help them through it. They hurt too."
   LIFE SUPPORT
   A program in place at the Wisconsin hospital where Caleb was born helped with their loss. NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP offers free remberance photography to parents dealing with the loss of a child. The Yoders have a picture of Caleb who looks like he is in typical infant slumber. Today the portrait is in a Bible next to their son's ink footprints. Elizabeth and Nathan read books to each other and to their children about their loss.
   All this along with journal writing and joing a support group have catapulted Elizabeth into a sort of Advocates role for families dealing with infant deaths.
   "No one really wants to talk about Infant Mortality," Elizabeth said " I want to put a face to it. It's important."
   One of the frustrating aspects Elizabeth has encountered in this process deals with simpl recognition. She said many people don't validate the existence of babies that don't live outside the womb.
   "Some people say 'oh you can have another child' or 'well it wasn't really a person'," Elizabeth Said. "People will always ask 'What did you do?' which makes us as moms feel worse. We all go through that, but for 50% of stillborn babies there is no reason. It's just something that happens."
   Elizabeth has found solace in online support groups and would love to see a local group get started, saying that the bonding experienced by women of this shared tragedy is not only satisfying but sometimes essential.
   "It helps if  you get together and physically hug someone who understands what it's like to go through this," Elizabeth said. "You have to embrace your grief. Don't bottle it up and pretend it never happened. If you do, you'll eventually collapse."
   Elizabeth said she doesn't dwell on Caleb's death and considers it another part of her life.
   "I can appreciate, understand and relate to others," she said. "My desire is to reach out to other women who need support, and maybe, in the future, bring this issue to light."
   A NEW LIFE
   The Yoders did press on after their loss, eventually ending up back in Rolette County. They also ended up expecting another baby.
   Elizabeth's pregnancy was now considered high risk and she encountered a lot of testing during the days leading up to her due date. Her previous experience not only caused anxiety for her but for the entire family.
   "I was paranoid and hyper-vigilant," Elizabeth said. "My experience had also taken the innocence out of all my relatives pregnancies."
   As the due date arrived Elizabeth recalled walking around the L and D floor with her husband. The pain of the past rushed back as they walked by the nursery.
   "Nathan saw all those empty baskets and he almost collapsed," Elizabeth said. "It reminded him of the empty baby basket we had to bring home."
   A few hours later, Rebekah Yoder came into the world. The nurse gave her to Elizabeth. Mom and Daughter both burst into tears.
   "She was so precious. I had a new understanding and appreciation for a new baby," Elizabeth said "When you lose a baby, it takes a piece of you with it. When we had Beks, I knew this really was a miracle that people take for granted."
   Caleb lives on in the Yoders' hearts and minds, Elizabeth said sometimes difficult during the holidays but she doesn't dwell on her sons death. "It's a part of our life," Elizabeth said "We embraced our faith and that helped us get through it."


I would like to thank Jason for writing this story for us. It was beautifully done. I would also like to thank everyone who supported Nathan and I in April of 2010. God Bless you so much!!!